I had an old 'friend' tell me this Christmas that I was very 'selfish' to give knitted presents because I like to knit and it is all just an excuse to knit more.

I freely admit it --I do like to knit. And I did give mostly knitted presents this year, but I truly did try to unselfishly consider the recipient's tastes, color preferences, etc. (Hey, I knit a black mohair scarf -- not the easiest thing to work with and not something I would 'selfishly' choose to make!!!)

I can't help but be reminded of a bio I saw on Vincent Van Gogh. Did you know that he only sold one painting during his whole lifetime? Nevertheless, he did not give up just because he wasn't popular and 'sellable', he painted because that was what he felt he had to do. He didn't paint to make others happy, he painted what he wanted and in his own way. He hoped that people of the future would see his paintings and "know that I feel things deeply". Well, in that way I think most would agree that he definitely succeeded.

So, when I knit I know I am not Van Gogh. But I truly do believe that knitting is one of the things I do best, and I plan to keep on knitting on. I hope to kindly consider the recipient and make appropriate items that will be appreciated and worn.

But when I think of all the knitting created for charity, etc. I think we knitters are some of the most unselfish people in the world.

It was good that you put the word friend in quatations. I agree with you we are some of the most unselfish people in the world.

What a thing to say!!!! To put one's time and effort into something that's hand made is really special. Some people do not understand what goes into these creative creations. I only make items for family closest to me because I noticed that it's sometimes not appreciated by others. It is taken for granted..no not by the ones I make it for. NO, we are not selfish....and YES we are giving people.

Wowie wow wow, Marilyn. That's really something.

That is someone I'm not sure I'd give anything, whether made by me, or boughten. Wow.

Does your "friend" realize how much time goes into a hand knit item? What an idea! How much of someone's personal time and consideration goes into snagging something off the internet and having it sent by UPS with a "lovely, personally signed card". "Selfish"! for heaven's sake, what next!

Obviously, your "freind" doesn't do anything "crafty" or she (I assume it's a she) would understand that what you do is more than making something so you have an excuse to knit more. So what if you happen to love to knit, so you give knitted gifts? Would she have said the same thing if you loved to bake, so gave everyone home baked cookies or cakes or something? This has me so riled up, I just can't find enough words to express myself!
She would be off my list from now on. Or just get her a gift card to her favorite store! "How thoughtful of you, you shouldn't have!" (You think with much sarcasm!) How much thought and care did that take, right?

This "friend" obviously has no idea of the time and cost involved with giving a knitted gift. It sounds like she values only those things that she can put a monetary value on. I have given several knitted gifts and they have been appreciated - in fact after giving my sister-in-law a scarf from alpaca she asked if I could make her mittens. AS to not realizing the cost - she also asked if I could knit her a Wonderful Wallaby. I told her I would be delighted to do so, but when I told her what the yarn would cost she was flabbergasted and decided that she probably wouldn't wear it enough to justify the cost of the yarn. SO as said before just keep knitting and chose carefully who receives your wonderful gifts.

Tell your friend to stop sucking lemons. If she thinks that gift-giving is about sacrifice and pain, she needs a major attitude adjustment.

Giving a gift, handmade or otherwise, is a joyful thing. If the giver receives pleasure from making the gift, so much the better.

Oh PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

I guess if someone loves to make lots of money by investing and gave away the money they made would be selfish as well . . . sounds like the "friend" is jealous!

This one really hit a nerve with me, I just had to chime in again.
If your 'friend' hated knit things, but loved baked things, and you hate to bake but love to knit, and knit her something anyway, that might be seen as selfish or at least thoughtless. But if you were willing to bake her something even though you hate it, then that is seen as noble. So if your recipient likes what you make, and you happen to enjoy the process, then where is the harm? Everyone gets joy from the gift.
People have been making things by hand as gifts for as long as people have been around. I used to make baby sweaters for people because I found it cheaper than buying the store bought ones, never thinking about people appreciating the time that I put into it. I always thought I was being cheap! So now, I make things knowing that most people realize that I spent time (and time is money, you know!) and didn't just pop over to my local department store and spend 5 minutes picking out something, paid for it, and moved on.
OK, I'll get off the soapbox now if anyone else wants to use it.

I knew I would get some good responses from you all on this 'hot topic'. First some clarification, my 'friend' is a man I have known since high school and, in addition, he is extremely sarcastic and cynical about everything in general. As far as crafty, he is a Beatle fan, anglophile and guitar player in that order. He likes to push my buttons occasionally and the feeling is mutual; we lovingly tease each other a lot.

I repeatedly have offered to knit him a wonderful sweater, but he says he wouldn't wear it so I never knit him anything before. Ironically, his Christmas gift this year was a knitted cell phone case. He got one of those new phones that slide instead of flip open. It is a nice shiny chrome color and he carries it around in his jeans pocket carefully wrapped up in a paper towel so it won't get scratched. Around Thanksgiving I told him that looked pretty stupid and I was going to knit him a cover for his phone. He said, "okay, as long as it isn't too faggy". I teased him about using some light blue eyelash yarn, but ended up using a navy blue worsted. I asked him if he would prefer a tie or a button closure, and he wanted the button. So I borrowed his phone a couple of times for measurements and knit him a pretty nice custom-made phone cover with a flap that comes forward and buttons down (I even let him pick the button). I have yet to see him use this (he keeps telling me that he forgets it on his dresser). Needless to say, I won't be making anything for him again soon.

He always gave his mother Waterford pieces and his presents to me are very nice collectible-type things. He gave me a beautiful sun-catcher prism for my kitchen window and an antique-style dragonfly brooch last year. I don't think that any of these things was really expensive, but I always believe it is the thought that counts, and he has always given me thoughtful gifts.

I've been trying to remember when he said it and I think it was after I told him I was going to make him the cover but while I was working on that black mohair scarf and hoping the reciepeint would like it. I think that is when, but yes, he really did say that to me about using Christmas presents as an excuse to knit more.

quote:

If your 'friend' hated knit things, but loved baked things, and you hate to bake but love to knit, and knit her something anyway, that might be seen as selfish or at least thoughtless. But if you were willing to bake her something even though you hate it, then that is seen as noble.

Knitting is one of the things I believe I do best, so when I give a thoughtful knitted gift I do think I am giving them of my best. I would like to think that I would be willing to do something I hated for someone who didn't like knit things, but, quite selfishly, I don't think I would do that. I would probably just give them a book or calendar or bath oil or something like that. None of that is half as 'personal' as anything I would knit.

Google for "Willie Warmer" knitting pattern, surf your stash, and make one, if it makes you laugh.
Tell him it's to keep his ego warm.

Follow up on the old 'friend'. I saw him again yesterday and he wasn't using the phone cover. I had thought about it ahead of time and planned out exactly what I wanted to say. When he pulled out his phone and started playing Ms. PacMan on it, I said "I notice that you are not using the phone cover I made . . ." and he cut me off quickly with a loud voice "you can't make me use it".

And I took a deep calm breath and proceeded with what I had originally planned, "I just have one question -- is there anything I can do to make you like it more?". He said "no" with a pretty red face.

And I have now decided NEVER to mention it again, but it does kind of feel like there is an elephant in the room and I feel a little hurt. But we've known each other so long that I refuse to let this hurt me any more. Part me me wants to inundate him UGLY knitted things forever, but it makes me feel better (and more true to my craft) to vow that I will never waste another stitch on him (ego willie warmer or not!)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Knit-M-Up Marilyn,

I thought about posting a link to another knitting/crochetting forum I belong to. One of the women joined a charity knitting group on Ravelry that makes clothing items available to those in need in her area. Soon after she joined, one of her daughter's little friends came by to walk to school, and the knitter asked this little girl why she wasn't wearing a hat and mittens on that bitter cold day. It turned out the kid didn't have any, so the knitter and her daughter gave the child a hat and mittens. The school where they attend has contacted this knitter to ask for help.

Oh, yeah, we're a selfish lot, alright. :-/

Marilyn,
That he cut you off in mid-sentence sounds to me like a case of the guilts! So be the bigger person and as you said, just don't mention it again. Save your time and energy making things for people who truly appreciate and use your creations.
It's a shame that he feels as he does. Possibly a texture aversion thing going on, or it doesn't feel "manly" enough. But whatever it is, just accept that he will never appreciate knitted items and just get him other things as you have in the past.