This may be a bit morbid so I warn you in advance.

I watch a lot of PBS, and I especially like Dr. Wayne Dyer (sp?). He said on one of his recent programs that "it is much more important to be kind than to be right" (those may not be the exact words but that is gist of it). I have gone through a lot of my life concerned with my being 'right' as well as other people -- correcting others' spelling, giving directions, etc. -- all the while thinking that I was being 'helpful' to them. I am now coming to understand that my help is not usually needed and if people are doing/thinking/spelling things that I don't agree with it is okay and certainly not my business to 'correct' them.

As of yesterday two dogs lived in my home -- Trixie (my boyfriend's dog) and Zsa Zsa (my ex-husband's). I had noticed a tumor on the back of Zsa Zsa's ear around Thanksgiving. The vet said that given her age, 16, (that's 112 for us humans) it was less than 50/50 that she would survive the anesthetic for the surgery. So I opted not to do anything for her. A big part of the story is that Zsa Zsa was never really my dog. My ex-husband picked her out from the pound with our two sons. He picked her because she did NOT bark (not a dog I would have ever chosen myself). In any case Zsa Zsa and I never really bonded much; she was always very much a man's dog. And it seemed that whenever she decided to chew something it was always mine. She never destroyed anything of my husband or sons. As a puppy, she chewed up my lipstick and a couple pair of shoes. And my very favorite antique fountain pen.

When my husband left he left her with me and I sort of just ended up with her. She didn't really like me much and the feeling was very mutual. But we tolerated each other, I suppose. At least she grew out of chewing up my stuff. Until New Year's when she chewed a 4x4 hole in the back of a hand-knit acrylic sweater going into the laundry.

So since Thanksgiving I have tried to be extra kind to Zsa Zsa, taking her out for extra runs in the park, extra treats like ice cream, cereal, mac n cheese, etc. I even forgave her for chewing my sweater. I have never had to euthanize a pet and I didn't want to do it now, but I promised myself that when she seemed to be in pain I would no longer have any choice.

Two weeks ago she stopped eating, even though I tried to tempt her with the treats again. I did finally get her to eat a little milk shake but not much. She started drinking copious amounts of water and I kept her bowl constantly filled with fresh cool water. Then on Tuesday this week she was no longer able to get up. I brought the bowl to her and she lifted her head to drink so I kept the water by her throughout the day. I carried her to the yard in the afternoon so she could lay in the sun (and do her business outside).

Wednesday morning she couldn't/wouldn't lift her head to drink so I got a straw and a glass and piped several strawfuls of water into her mouth. That afternoon I went out to the humane society to talk with them about various options and of course they recommended euthanasia and cremation. I asked and did discover that the anesthetic used is a 'poison' and should not be allowed to get into the water supply, so, IMHO, it is not environmentally sound. And anyway I didn't want to make that decision. Also they told me that if she was not eating/drinking it could not be very much longer.

Yesterday morning she was even weaker and I gave her some more water through the straw and I vowed that I would have to take her this morning (Friday) because otherwise she would have to wait until Monday as they are closed on the weekend.

I had kept hoping that she would pass in her sleep and I would just wake up one morning and it would be mercifully over. God in His wisdom had other plans and Zsa Zsa died yesterday at 2:30 pm. I was right there with her and it was peaceful, calm, and natural. I did not have to make that ultimate decision.

At 3:00 a knock at the door and my friend dropped by. This is the same friend for whose husband I re-knit a scarf for Christmas because he did not like the mohair. She just stopped by to tell me how much her husband like the new acrylic scarf. She is a geriatric care-giver and she talked with me and we discussed the meaning of life/death, hospices, etc. and everything was so calm and serene. I am so grateful that she came when she did. She verified that I had done both the 'kind' and the 'right' things with Zsa Zsa, and I felt so relieved and so at peace at last.

And I know that Zsa Zsa is at peace as well, and that God was very merciful in her passing (for her as well as for me). And I am so grateful that I did NOT have to make that fateful decision and that her body is not 'poisoned' and that she can be buried in my back yard and her body merge with the cycle of life and continue to nourish the flowers that I will plant.

And I KNOW that my re-knitting that scarf had a lot to do with this whole 'coincidence' of her being there at just the right time.

Before everyone starts jumping on me for not giving Zsa Zsa release sooner, she did NOT at any time seem to be in any pain whatsoever. I asked all my friend who stopped by when they saw her and everyone said 'no, she does not seem to be in pain'. She just got very thin and weak. And I am not saying that this is the 'right' decision for anyone else. But I know that this was 'right' for me and I am so relieved and at peace right now. And I am so grateful that I had the chance to be 'kind' to a dog that wasn't always so 'kind' to me.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I am going to try and take this lesson ("it is always more important to be kind than to be right") and practice it more consistently in my life.

Marilyn I believe that no kindness ever goes to waste. Zsa Zsa had a good life and a quiet death and no pet or human can expect more.

I also believe that there is no point in arguing or debating with someone who is sure they are right. Maybe they are, as in the scarf, and your insistence on your way is foolish. Maybe they are wrong and your insistence on your way will only make them feel more foolish when that's the way it turns out. It doesn't help to argue and it only causes problems.

Marilyn, my condolences. But yes, it is a comfort when you know you've done both right and kindly by any creature that depends on you as our pets do.

I had a similar experience last summer with one of our very elderly cats. she simply stopped eating and then drinking. I talked with an end of life vet and made much the same choices that you did.
I am glad that you had someone there to comfort you when you needed. please relax also at feeling releived with Zsa-Zsa's passing on. It sounds like a grand lesson in kindness.

After not having the best Friday due to the weather up here, not taking kids to a ski race because we could not fly to the race, a staff member who means well but makes you feel like crap because you do not do enough . . . as she does . . .

OK you are right just be kind and I know you are right on that one! Like knitterb says it is worth argueing either.

I am sorry you had to lose an animal it is always so hard! But you did do the right thing!

Thank you everyone for your understanding and supportive comments. I really appreciate it.

Just this weekend Dr. Wayne Dyer was on PBS again and the exact quote is "when you have a choice to be right or to be kind, choose being kind because that's puts you closer in alignment with God/spirit".

And like knitterb says "there is no point in arguing with someone who is sure they are right". Maybe they really ARE right and I am wrong or maybe they have lessons to learn before they can really understand what they need to.

Things don't just happen, I believe they most definitely happen for a reason.

Marilyn: Hugs to you. You recognized that Zsa Zsa would have told you when it was time. Tho' she wasnt "your" dog, your caring and compassion at the end helped her be at peace.

Marilyn,
My husband and I went through a similar experience with our dog, Katie(Caitlin when she was naughty). She had been sick off and on, and we had her to the vet a couple of times, then one evening she was sick again, she didn't want to eat, she couldn't support herself to go outside, her front legs were swelling up, so we were going to take her to the vet in the morning, but Katie made other arrangements and passed away during the night. This happened in Feb, 2001 and I remember it like it was yesterday.

I read this post on March 8th and I just couldn't reply right away because we had a death in our family in the early hours of the 7th. My father-in-law passed away and I came in here for some healing/knitting therapy. I posted in another thread about my FIL being in the hospital and my husband is an only child and had to deal with all the emotional turmoil of his dad not cooperating sometimes, and then his mom leaning heavily on Hubby for support, and now it's magnified. We had just started some vacation time from work, we never go anywhere, just a week from work, and we got the phone call at 2:15am that his dad had just passed away. So both our bosses offered to let us add breavement time so today is our first day back to work and we are just emotionally exhausted right now. All the paperwork, finding and filing all the insurance papers, setting up the funeral and everything that goes along with the whole thing. Right now we are stunned because we didn't think he was really all that sick, but he had a bad infection and it must have overwhelmed his systems. So now he isn't sick anymore.

Diana, I'm sorry for your loss!

Thank you. I debated not saying anything, but everyone here is so supportive, that even if they don't reply, they will remember me and my FIL and that means more.

Oh yes, Diana, thank you for your kind reply. I too am sorry for the loss of you FIL. It can seem utterly overwhelming when someone very close to us is gone, especially when it happens so suddenly that we have no time to prepare ourselves. I hope your husband is holding up well.

Like Diana I wasn't sure if I should post about Zsa Zsa, but the 'coincidence' of my friend showing up at just the right time and because of my knitting made it seem somewhat appropriate to post here. Thank you everyone for being so kind to me!!!

We're holding up OK. MIL is actually doing better than I expected. We both have birthdays in March, so MIL's brother gave her some money for us to go out somewhere nice for our birthdays. So we went to the Olive Garden. She's never been, and we go maybe once or twice a year, and she enjoyed herself tremendously. She seems to be relaxing now that she doesn't have to worry herself into a "state" over how Dad is doing. He had had health issues for years, nothing really bad in and of itself, but just chronic stuff that he had to take meds for. But she would always get anxious about if he was feeling OK, did he eat while we were gone (he didn't like to go out to eat much, so we would take her out with us), etc, etc,!

Diana:
Hugs to you too. My DH and I were on vacation in Canada when my FIL passed. It took them hours to find us. DH has never driven so fast to get home.

When we lose anyone - person or pet - who has held a dear place in our lives it's so hard to get through it. But you will in time.

All in all, we're doing fairly well. MIL has her moments, which is natural, but she's holding up well otherwise. FIL was chronically ill for years and so Mom mostly feels that she failed him somehow. Everyone assures her that there wasn't anything wrong with him that was from lack of care on her part, but I suppose that's just "survivor's guilt" or something like that.

Marilyn, I have euthanized animals and buried them on my farm over the past 13 years and I have never been told that the medicine given to relieve suffering and end an animals life would be considering dangerous to my water supply. I take in elderly dogs, horses and other farm animal pets that folks, for various reasons, just don't want any longer. Most live quite comfortably here for years, others just don't have much time left. I would think that if a dog sized dose could be a problem then a horse sized dose would have to be a bigger problem and yet I have never been told this. I am good friends with my vet and I would have to believe he would have told me this information. I'm not saying your information is false, but I would be surprised to find out my vet concealed a possible threat to me and my animals by not telling me this. And I will ask him now that I read this.