Something odd has happened since I signed up to take the first part of the Master Knitters program. I have stopped knitting totally. What's happened is I now feel that everything I knit must be absolutely perfect or why bother? Clearly this is not logical but I don't know how to begin happily knitting again.

Perhaps knowing that my swathes will be returned for correction has something to do with this. The years I've knitted now seem worthless in the face of the one correct way to knit.

Has anyone experienced this? If so how did you overcome this fear of failure. Thanks

This message has been edited. Last edited by: orenthal,

"The years I've knitted now seem worthless in the face of the one correct way to knit."

First off, there is NO one correct way to knit! Whatever your technique, as long as you are comfortable doing it, not harming your body with awkward motions, and you can get the necessary results knit any way you want.

The other thing I would say is that doing the Master's Program is not worth stopping your knitting if it has been something you have always enjoyed. You do not need the program to become a master knitter, or to just enjoy your knitting. This is a completely voluntary program that individuals undertake for their own reasons. Some of us find it useful to get formal feedback on your work as scary and ego-nudging as it is for ALL of us. But not everyone wants this kind of external review.

Or maybe you just need a break from knitting and seeing what you are asked to do in the Masters' program has only confirmed what may be a subconscious decision for you. I've gone through periods of time -- sometimes several years -- when I did not knit. I've never knit so much as when I started this program several years ago (Grin), and eve though every year I say to myself this is the year to finish (I completed Level I, most of Level II when my hard drive crashed), I have so many projects I want to do and techniques I want to learn I keep procrastinating. On the other hand, I've just finished up an 8 year old project so maybe I will get moving on Level II again.

Thanks for your response. I think that I may have decided to become involved in the program before I was ready for it. If that makes sense.

I love to knit and need to allow myself to make mistakes and laugh about the results. Maybe what you mentioned about the ego-nudging that everyone goes through is something I'm not able to deal with right now. Life is very hard these days and what I really need is encouragement and support in order to get through it.

Hopefully this master's program will be something I am able to contend with in the future. It is certainly a way to learn and grow as a knitter. The cost of this program is too dear not utilize the advantages it could bring.

Orenthal,
You can certainly get an ego nudging from doing the Master's levels, but you also definately get support and encouragement from this as well, both from the people here and the committee members.
Yes, I found it hard to send off my swatches and everything else when I completed level 1, but when I got it back I only had to redo 1 swatch, and clarify a few of my answers to the questions. Even when I was being "critizied" it was put in such a way that wasn't harsh or made me feel stupid. The swatch I had to redo was the one where I used a cable pattern of my own choosing and I forgot to center it correctly! Duh! But, again, I wasn't made to feel stupid for forgetting to read the directions properly. I read them, but did the swatch later and didn't go back to double check.
When you feel ready to tackle this, know that there are many of us here more then willing to answer your questions and help you through this process, but please don't let this scare you away from knitting entirely. Take a break from it and see if you don't feel better about it.

Orenthal, I felt the same way! I started level 1 in February of last year, and I recall being shocked to find that all the joy had gone out of my knitting.

It's the stress of knitting with the idea of its being "judged"--you get tense at every stitch, wondering if that slant in your ribbing that you never noticed before is a bad thing, or if your cast-on is even enough. Then the instructions ask you to use a certain increase that you always avoided because you were more comfortable with a different type. And in cables, suddenly you need to be concerned with the tension of the knit stitch preceding the reverse stockinette--and yanking at it throws off the flow of your knitting. And so on, and so on.

Take a step back and remember that everything you've worked on with pleasure in the past has been good. This program might refine your work, but that doesn't take anything away from what you've done before. Then make a conscious effort to relax: follow the directions and knit as if for yourself, and send it along. What's the worst that could happen? If something needs to be resubmitted, it's not as though your license to knit will be revoked.

After I passed level 2 last summer, I intended to take a break from this program. But I quit smoking last fall and needed something else to obsess about that would keep my hands occupied--so I started level 3 this past January.

I finished the last of the knitting yesterday, and now I'm just doing the paperwork (the pattern for the sweater may take another month!). I redid a few swatches back when I started this level. I have no doubt that one or two things will still need to be resubmitted. I could sit down and reknit them. And then I can start wondering about aspects of a couple more things. And then I'll wonder about some detail of the sweater. Ultimately, all of it might seem like it should be redone. Thinking like this is paralyzing. I intend to relax, send it all off, and let the evaluators tell me what they think. Then I'll have a project for next fall--reworking the things they ask me to resubmit. It's all good!

Upshot: Relax. You're doing this for yourself and no one else.

Years ago, like 9, I ordered my Level I. I have never started it, and I got the update and all of that. I still haven't started it.

I just can not get around to it but mostly I don't want my knitting to turn into work at all. I know myself well and if my knitting turns into work or a "have to knit" I will NOT knit at all.

I can understand how you feel completely. But knitting is far more than your level I or II or III. It gives you so much more than a level and a number!

Four years ago I started knitting obsessively again after a several-year hiatus (during which I maybe knit a small baby gift once a year). There were a couple of reasons I started knitting again, but the main one was that I had been working on writing fiction for a number of years and had become so perfectionistic that I had lost the creative joy writing used to bring me. I lost my writing voice, and I couldn't put words down that I could bear reading. I wanted to remember what it was like to be creative for the pleasure of it. So I returned to knitting.

Shortly after I started knitting again, I discovered the MHK program and within a week of beginning, I could see myself heading toward that cliff of perfectionism, and I did not want to throw myself over it. I desperately wanted to make sure that I didn't do to my knitting process what I had done to my writing process. Occasionally, I have to talk myself back from that perfectionistic cliff, but now that I recognize what I'm doing, I have developed some coping mechanisms.

One of the things I have to do while going through one of the Levels (I'm at the end of Level II), is to make sure that I don't work on the program exclusively and that I don't work on it for extended periods (not more than a few weeks at a time). I make sure that I keep the joy in the process. So if I have time during the day, I might work on swatches, but I save my evenings to work on pleasure knitting.

I noticed that I was more tense and "on alert" wile working through Level I, and that "imperfections" seemed to pop up more in my swatches because of that tension than when I worked on projects for pleasure. I did get to the point toward the end of Level I where I simply could not correct my problem of rowing out at the edges of my work. I had tried everything, and was getting more tense and upset with myself to the point where I cried in frustration. I couldn't see the point in sending in my binder if the judges were going to tell me I was rowing out, and that I needed to fix it. I couldn't fix it. About that time, Arenda suggested that things might not be as bad as I thought, and that if I wanted, I could send her some digital photos of what I was worried about. After she saw the photos, she assured me that I was worrying too much, and that while the judges might comment on the rowing out, I most likely would not be asked to re-knit the swatches. I was aware of the problem and working on it, and that was the point.

With anything creative, there are levels of mastery to the craft, and there are objective and subjective ways of assessing a particular creative result. When you seek perfection in a creative work, you seek the impossible, but if you don't know where the bar is set for "good enough," you can't work to surpass the bar, knowing that you've done well. All you know is that if you hit perfect, you're okay.

For me, it was helpful to see examples of imperfect knitting that were considered perfectly acceptable, so that I could set a standard for myself. I always like to perform at a level higher than what is expected, but without knowing where that bar was set, I couldn't see any possible expectation other than completely perfect, and that was impossible.

On Ravelry, the TKGA group is very active, and many knitters going through the program have posted photos of their swatches in their project notebook. Some people even post the comments received back from the judges in their notes (I did that myself for my Level I swatches).

If you're having trouble knitting anything of any kind, perhaps you can pick a project to do where the outcome truly doesn't matter, and you can just relax enjoy the process of knitting it.

There is also the option of ordering the First Level One course and if after looking it over you feel it is a bit much for your lifestyle right now, you can put it off, or not do it at all. Of course, there is the expense of the course, so if that isn't an issue for you, you can try this and try to enjoy it. Pressure in this course is really self imposed IMO. You always want to put your best foot forward, and usually you do.
As for the critical review, it is NOT harsh, or belittling in any way. They offer encouragement, suggestions, recommendations IF a swatch has to be re-submitted. Naturally, you feel stressed because you have no idea what will be said about your submissions. Please, don't let that sway your decision. They don't come down with a hatchet if something is not correctly done, just a paragraph stating what could be incorrect and to please re-submit. The unknown is the worse part, once you take the first step, then you will know if it is for you. I think you will surprise yourself and find it is most likely something you have already done, but didn't put a name to it.
If you request it, you will get loads of assistance here, so you won't be left out to dry on your own.
Good luck in your decision.

I'm still knitting away here, but I'm trying to work on Level 1. Too many projects that have deadlines attached to them.

I was wondering how this worked. I was afraid that I was stressing too much about it. I redid the first swatch 2 times and I'm now working on the second swatch. I have a couple of questions answered as well. I'm trying to answer the questions as I get the swatches done.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who needs to take a break from knitting.

Shari

Orenthal,
Here's another suggestion you might try. How about if you knit for someone else, say a charity or something? They will be less concerned if something isn't perfect. That doesn't mean give them something that looks like it came out of that infamous Yoplait commercial or that was your first attempt at knitting and you just found it stuffed in the back of a drawer somewhere! But maybe caps for preemies, or mittens and hats for Goodwill, or lap robes or shawls for a nursing home. All very good causes that can give you back some of that joy you seem to feel you lost. And as a plus, you could practice some of the techniques that you will need for level 1 without the pressure. Try that increase you never heard of before! Make that cable and see if you really like how it looks! Use the k2tog and the SSK and see the differences!

I did the Master several years ago, and I can identify with the idea that you might lose your joy in the craft. You won't "fail" although you may have to redo swatches. I had to redo lots of them and even do a completely different sweater for the level III do to misinterpreting the instructions. I did find that I learned a lot from the process and became more careful about my knitting, but I still enjoy the craft a lot. I also found that the evaluations focus on following the instructions to the letter which, of course, is what can more easily be evaluated. Since I don't always, there is where I had the most problems. This is not a big life changing challenge like, for instance, medical board exams or defending a thesis. It is a process for refining your own skills. I thought I was pretty good and was surprised and somewhat dismayed to find out how much better I could be. I did it mostly to see if I could, and I could with some additional attention. I'm glad I did.

OUCH, to have to re-knit an entire sweater. That would hurt. Gosh, I probably would have melted into the floor.
Now that would cause stress. May I ask what you missed, if you recall now. I would hate for that to happen to me, and I now wonder how many others that has happened to.
You are right though, it isn't like taking the boards, that is your profession, but stress is stress.
I am so glad you finally accomplished the Master's. It is one weight lifted off isn't it, and you must be so proud. I know I am of you.

I redo stuff all the time. I generally handle it pretty well--I figure "I'd be knitting anyway." But having to do the whole sweater for level 3 all over again would definitely bum me out.

Some of the people here said they manage best by taking breaks from the master's work. When I started level 1, I had the opposite reaction. I found that setting the work aside and doing my own stuff was impossible: the stress came with me to the other projects.

What worked best for me was to devote my attention to the master's work, only redoing swatches that had an actual mistake, or that I knew for a fact I could improve on--no reknitting in the hope that things would just happen to look better on another try. I worked straight through and had the knitting done in 9 days; it took a little more time for the paperwork, but I think it was all sent off about three weeks after I received the materials. And then I was normal again! Knitting was back to being a pleasure.

When I got the package back, I was leery about opening it. But when I did look inside, it was obvious that a great deal of effort had gone into the evaluation: it was very complimentary about the good stuff, and very constructively critical about the stuff that needed to be resubmitted (and thankfully the redos required were minimal).

It was all so encouraging that the very same day my resubmissions were accepted, I signed on for level 2. That's the best indication I can offer that the stress Orenthal is feeling doesn't overshadow the positive aspects in the end. (Of course, once I had the level 2 materials, I again had moments of "What was I thinking!":-) )

My instructions stated "a traditional aran with cables and bobbles and at least 2 other stitch patterns. My first sweater was a plain women's pullover with scattered butterfly motifs in cables, with bobbles and sections of double and single moss stitch, stockinette, and reverse stockinette. The committee would not accept it because it did not have an all over pattern showing how I could integrate the various features of the aran pattern. I nearly gave up and said "to heck with it", but I decided that since I had already done so much and got so close that I was not willing to leave it uncompleted. So I designed and knit a more "traditional" pattern.

Peggy,
I also pretty much did Level 1 as you did. I might have taken longer, but pretty much put aside anything I was working on to get it done. I was pleasantly surprised when I got everything back that I only had to redo 1 swatch and clarify a few answers to questions. There were a few comments on my blocking report, but it was accepted. So I turned around and got level 2 about a month later. But I'm going much slower at it this time. That darned sock! Ugh. I made a practice one and the stitches weren't even and I made a few mistakes. I think that when I do make my 'real' one, I'm just going to do the best I can and hope for the best. Color knitting really isn't my thing. Probably a case of I'm more critical of my knitting (again), but there it is. I know the mistakes wouldn't have passed, but what I considered unevenness, might pass. *shrug* Again, we'll see.